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Saturday, January 27th, 2007
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Um yeah. So headaches are such a pain. No pun intended. My back is thoroughly fucked. I've been getting spasms and one muscle grouping is tighter than a nun. I will either have to go see a chiropractor, or a chinese herbalist. I'm dreading the herbalist. Have you tasted that shit they get you to drink???? It's awful. But it works, I'll give it that.
Okay, so I'm itching to get tattoo work done again. I'm a mess of unfinished projects. I have my two (yes, TWO) sleeves that started 6 years ago unfinished. My other tattoo machine on my right hip hasnt even started. It's going to be a lot of hours in the chair.
Little known fact about me: I fucking HATE getting tattooed. I HATE IT. It fucking hurts, okay? I just love having tattoos. Oh well. Lesser of two evils.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 13th, 2006
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Ever confused about something you did? Although it was a glorious moment, however short, 20/20 makes the world look different.
I don't know why we don't talk anymore. Maybe it was better left alone. I don't know. Memories still run through my mind. I wonder if he feels the same.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
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How else do you grieve for a lost loved one besides falling into a deep depression?
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, November 7th, 2006
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| Time: | 11:10 am. |
| Mood: |  thoughtful. |
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Forever in my heart.
You will be missed greatly, Grandma.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, November 6th, 2006
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The countdown began already. Roughly 24 hours for her to live.
I've been going on fumes. I've had nothing to eat for the last two days. I've had about 8 hours of sleep in the last week. I think I will need hospitalization soon.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 3rd, 2006
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So my grandma, the one who raised me for 12 years, is going through organ failure. Her left lung has collapsed, and there is a carbon dioxide buildup so severe that it's pushing into her heart, and right lung. To make things worse, she's got pnemomia in her right lung. And add a faulty kidney or two to that mix.
I just found that out today. The hardest part is that she knows none of this. We have just told her that she's got a bad flu and that she will recover.
In actuality, she's got about a 30 - 40% chance of recovery.
She's the only person I know who does not deserve to die.
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Saturday, October 28th, 2006
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| Time: | 12:36 am. |
| Mood: |  angry. |
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I hate feeling like I've been used.
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Friday, October 20th, 2006
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| Time: | 5:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  confused. |
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Right. A 26 of vodka will make anyone forget what happened the night before, I guess.
How do you tell someone that you love him but you're not in love with him (without saying those words, obviously)?
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 16th, 2006
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It was the worst night in a long time. Probably a year or so. Got into a HUUUUGE fight. Yelling and screaming type of fight. About the word "argumentative." It sounds really stupid, and it was. Something about me not feeling EXACTLY the same way for him as he does about me. I'm really fed up. And then this morning, he acts like nothing happened!
Ugh. I wish I was in NY. Mexico. Hong Kong. Just not here.
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Sunday, October 15th, 2006
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i just realized that i used to say "like whoa" a lot. i mean A LOT. but i never say it anymore. weird.
so it appears that every 5-12 months, i realize i have this thing called livejournal and i come into it and just...stare in amazement. i dont update my journal, and it seems like everyone else does. it's like my life had gone completely still and everyone else's goes rolling forward without me. it's an odd sensation. i know it's not true...but...you know what i mean? bah. i'm tired.
so i had a strangely amazing weekend (you know who you are). i didn't how what to make of it at first. because it was kind of an awkward position to be in....meeting people that you actually know but dont at all. you dont know what to expect, so therefor you can't expect anything so you roll with the punches. and i ended up having a nice time and laughed in that single weekend than i have in the last....3 weeks put together, i think. i mean like, a genuine laugh. not the "haha. you just told a lame joke and you think it's really funny. i see that you and our friends are laughing histarically so i'm just going to laugh along with it" kind of laugh. the only shitty thing that happened all weekend was that i couldn't find my debit card to pay for dinner. i was a lot more upset that i wanted to look. i was actually pretty fuckin pissed off.
so after having such a delightful two and a half days, i come back to reality. and every moment haunts me. all i've been thinking to myself is "i dont really want to be here right now. i want to be anywhere but here." because with some things, i believe that you can have so much fun that it becomes a sin. not the act itself, but the aftermath of it all. when reality hits you, it bites. hard.
i think i have a lot of confessions to make. and i dont know where to start. and i know that at some point of my life, you just have to let some things go. or some people. you can't just feel bad about what they're going to do or how they're going to feel after you say what you say. who's going to take the best care of you but you?
i fully agree that emotions is such a turbulant aspect of human nature. violent, yet beautiful. but deciding what is the best tool for when is the most ridiculously difficult thing to navigate. and to be truthful, there is no right way. and that realization is the hardest part of it all.
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Ok. Haven't been here for a while...wait, not that long? I dont know.
Feeling bleh. And I dont know why. maybe it's just mental exhaustion. probably physical, too.
Dilemmas, dilemmas, dilemmas. i dont even know if that's spelled right.
DRAMA
DRAMA
DRAMA
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
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Sometimes missing someone who probably doesn't even think of you anymore is such a hard thing. Especially when a friend tells you they've found someone else.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, December 17th, 2004
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SO.
It's been how long? A year???
Quick update:
My tattoo apprenticeship is going well. All I need now is a power suppoly box. I have a full set of inks in a large variety of colours and flavours.
SO IF Y'ALL WANT SOME FRICKIN TATTOOS, LET ME FRICKIN KNOW.
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I've managed to attain a job at a sex store. I prefer to call it "The Crust." Cuz there's some shit in there you would wish you never saw. Especially the magazines. THEY'RE USED. Think about THAT. And please. Wash them toys before you stick them anywhere. It is protocol for employees to take them out, pt batteries in them before they are sold. And you dont know who's been man-handling them. So, know your toys and biohazard prevention tips.
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Christmas is coming. This year is the first time in many, many moons when I'm actually doing something and giving gifts. Last Christmas sucked my glutes.
PS- I always wanted a ball gag for Christmas. If I get one, I'll be having a REALLY merry Christmas.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 3:45 pm. |
| Mood: |  amused. | | Music: | Something about riding my bicycle. |
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Ummm
I'm moving again. And this time, it's going to be grand. I'll have my own room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come visit! Idiots need not apply!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 15th, 2003
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| Time: | 11:24 am. |
| Mood: | aggravated. | | Music: | Braid - Movie Music Vol. I. |
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fuck YOU and your stupid fucking emotions. oh well. it never meant anything anyway.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, December 9th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:19 am. |
| Mood: | contemplative. | | Music: | Yeah Yeah Yeahs - 4:24 1/2. |
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Ummm....an odd weekend. Fun, although awkward at times. It's good to see old friends again. And being in a town that I haven't been in for a long time, at that.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, November 9th, 2003
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Why is it that when you say "fuck it" they come flocking? Fuckin' aye.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, November 7th, 2003
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If it wasn't a full moon the other night, it's definitely a full moon tonight.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 27th, 2003
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| Time: | 5:25 pm. |
| Mood: | aggravated. | | Music: | Braid - I'm Afraid of Everything. |
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I blew it. And these dreams are driving me crazy with disgust.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 20th, 2003
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
caromel's journal
restless.
distressed.
tired.